Hmm.......... funny as it may sound to you, but yes these are a few fossils from my shaadi cupboard. Or rather chronicles but i prefer fossils (why give them the credit of being chronicalized).
From being put up on website to the shaadi forums and now back to shaadi ram ghar jodey (photo biodata wale uncle)...............my mom is straining her achiles to the limits. And putri dear has her own permutations and combinations.
This funny incidence was the earliest of my shaadi quest memories but is quite interesting that i could never ever forget it......and maybe become my future child's bedtime story too..............
From the numerous friends that my dear dad has, came Mr handsome uncle who has an air about his medico sons...........ok ok uncleji chane ke jhaad pe hamesha latke rehte hai.............he decided that both the families meet over coffee.
Mom: haan photo to bahut acchi hai.............dekho
Me: ok handsome hai par apron(he's a doc) mein kyun kheenchi hai.............
Mom: khamosh ladki......har cheez mein nuskh nikalti hai............
Me: ok kab jana hai...........(from fear of being clipped).
Mom: tomorrow and be at your best............
And we decided to meet in the cool evening.......mom wore her best salwar kameez(sari would be kinda reserved look).........hmmm...........after her long long prayers......she blew some air over my face (verses to become attractive, he he he......am bewitched now).
Me: chuckles...........
Mom: enough all this is important........and for your own good......... what are you gonna wear........
Me: any dress.......if he s gonna like me he'll like me in crap too........
Skipping the long no's to all my salwar suits we decided rather mom on one......finally.
Dad was walking ahead in the restaurant gateway, mom and i following him.
Me: wondering if i could catch a glimpse of Mr radiologist (did'nt i mention ,yes he's radiologist)............
Just as we were strolling ,dad smiled.....here was a tall, fair man with smiling glee face.....all and all a cheerful figure..........
Just as i thought, haan ye papa hai, jab ye itne acche hai to beta bhi.........hmmm........interesting....dad ne ek kam to accha kiya....
Mom: chalo chodo beta kahan hai.....hain ladka kahan haiji.....ajeee sun rahe ho.....
Dad: Aa raha hoga....
Me: shocked, panting, dumbfounded..........mummy!!!!
For those of you thinking, i was just bewitched by akshay kumar or salman khan personified into one handsome TDH (tall, dark n handsome).............am gonna break the bubble......
Mom: na woh nahin hai......peon hoga......nah!!
Me: Nai mummy wohi hai......
Mom: tawbah tawbah.....nahi..........ladka aaraha hoga.......
Me: dad where is he......
Dad: shaayad yahi hai...........merely audible........
Me: mummy yahi hai.......
Mom: Oh!!!!! no ,we are leaving from here.........tawbah!!!!!!!!!
Me: (chuckles) no that would be rude..........ab saara khana uncleji khajate hain to..............he he he
Mom: no we are not going inside........no.........boodey ko hamari hatti katti ladki nahi dikhi kai........
Chalo i will clear the suspense........the entire evening we had many permutations and combinations.......radiologist....hmm........great.....(my best friend) and handsome too....ek haath mein laddo aur doosre mein me rasgolla......oiye oiye........
Me: par banda bhi sahi hona chahiye na......
Banda sahi sahi nikhla, kahan laddoo , kahan rasgolla, bas laddoo ki boondii ,rasgolla ka chhena haath malne ke liye rehgaya..........laddooo to door door tak nahin nazar aaraha tha aur ras kitabon ki dimak chaat gayi............
In short ladka Choosa hua Aam (CA) tha!!!!!...........
Me, hatti katti......desi kudi......khate pitey khandan ki ek lauti beti.........
And here's Mr CA.......whose waistline i could never match up with......hmmm......saalon ke dieting ka asar lagta hai......his slender figure....i could never attain in lifetime.........aerobics ka kamaal (bas air bacha hai)........the versatile gait........ha ha ha......i cannot attempt but fail miserably........
Me: chuckles.......no, we are going in and putting up a smiling face ok.......please mom......they'll be disheartened.....na dad.
Whatever it is.......its just gonna be in my blog.....never on bechara's face........am quite mature haan!!!!!
Dad: saving his face......haan.....please andar chalo.....
Mom, still refusing to come in.......doorman.......tired of holding the door ......
And finally we sat across the table......
Uncleji: please help yourself......
We in unison..... no thanks please.....
He ordered some thing.............
Uncleji: (very intelligent haan) beta has always been studying, excelling all along and now staying in hostel.....isliye patla hogaya hai......
Me: chuckles......hmm.....
Uncleji: hostel food and calcutta diet does'nt suit him.........(glances at all our faces)...
Expecting some reassurance.......
Mom, stern as rock.....
Me: hmmmm..........(kaash aapne cerelac khilaya hota....amul atturely butterly delicious chakhaya hota....chalo chhodo ab koi faida nahi).
Mr CA: I did my Mbbs from blah blah blah......and then went on to........blah blah......(bechara was selling his degrees rather than him)......
Me: hmmm.......(muh mein zubaan tho hai)
Mr CA: what are your future plans......to study further....
Me: (ab to juice stall hi kholna badega).....composing myself.........uttered my longlist of plans......with a smile of course.....
Mr CA: my hobbies are blah blah blah...........(janab khelte koodte bhi hai, haan......glucon-D ka kamaal lagta hai ya hamdard ka tonic "Cinkara").
Me: I love to write.......no way mad or what am not gonna utter about my blog......please.
Mr CA : aapko agar kuch poochna hai to pooch lijiye, am leaving tomorrow morn......
Me: hmmm........hiding chuckles behind cute smile......and you think am gonna have some more doubts.....heights......
Dad: (be my saviour please) we will call you........accha bye....
pleasantries exchanged......
Mom: releived........ab inkito khair nahin.......
On the way back home........mom was dumb founded.....dad, silent and me the only one having thoroughly enjoyed the evening.......
Am not Miss perfect either but how would you expect to be a mismatch in real life.....when everone around is hell bound to lead life, king size. Am pretty hearty......hmmm.....on my various trips to delhi.....people always thought am a sikhni.........haanji....and punjaban auntiji' s favourite.....
So this Mr uncleji.........how could you imagine even in your deardest dream i could be your putrawadhu........whose half personality is your son........yes literally.....he could hide behind the attractive me........ha ha ha and be invisible.........
Mom: (still recovering)..... doctor itna patla sookha sa......tawbah......
tring tring tring.........phone rings.....nobody answers for days to come.....
Ha ha ha.......all and all my tryst with destiny sailing through pretty rough seas though......how many CA, chennai guys, quirky dentists, feline hoteliers to come.........to be fossilised in my blog.......
Just as mom and her never ending ordeal was continuing.......came Mr bhooley bichhde huae uncle, out of blue moon.......
tring tring tring.......Maasi: laala (mom fondly called)........you remember .....- - -bhai from - - -......
Mom: (memory chhaant ke ) haan kyun kai hua????
Maasi : he's a baba now......
Arre, no baba woh dadaji wale baba nahi......peer baba
Mom: haaaannnn......
Maasi: he's a very learned man now, respected, and has great following.......
hmmm.....par maasiji itna kyun bakhan kar rahi hai....
Maasi: babaji is a very busy man.....but has taken time off, especially for you......i have mentioned about uzma to him............he has just the right guy for her.......gem of a person. Ladka Germany mein hai.(foreignnnn tag)
Mom: Haan......
panting, not with joy but fear of losing me to a foreign land................when she fears interstate boundaries when in her sanity will she dispatch me to a different country...........
Maasi: Kadiwale Baba has told "leave everything to me now"
What!!! now divine intervention was needed.......O, God!!! anything else has to be added??? .........make my life simple now.
My previous encounter with another certain "Baba" was rekindled, who made me drink some shit smelling naley ka pani,........ gave me some talisman to tie(which i never did),......... told me not to paint my nails again ,which i never followed (hah! i never leave my nails bare).
And i revolt to bow down to anybody exept my creator.......only he has the utmost right to nullify, modify or rectify my destiny.
Ieven refuse to be tied to a paper Mr Raymond........i want the complete man in flesh and blood.
On a lighter note........the lyrics from a versatile philosopher leave me to hum them forever.............and i tremble with a thousand thoughts.
"Hazaron khwahishen aisi ke har khwahish pe dam nikle,
Bahot nikle mere armaan lekin phir bhi kam nikle"
